T-shirt Excelsior Gear

"Ever Upward" (Latin: Excelsior — also translated as "Why is the rent still going up?") In the spirit of the great state of New York and that certain "Orange-hued" institution of higher learning, we present a travel vessel that truly embodies the state motto. While others are content with the "Downward" trajectory of modern discourse, we choose to go Ever Upward. Why the Excelsior? A Motto in Motion: Most people just put the state motto on a license plate and forget about it while stuck in Midtown traffic. We put it on a 600-foot-long floating cigar. It’s the ultimate expression of the "Empire State" mind: lofty, expansive, and technically hovering over everyone else. Academic Lift: Our proprietary lift gas is a mixture of pure Helium and the collective sighs of graduate students. It is 14% more buoyant than standard air, though it does tend to make the captain’s voice sound slightly more pretentious.